As with most Thursdays, I’ve just sat down to begin writing my blog post for the week. This week looks a little different – rather than typing away at my laptop I’m writing the old fashioned way, with pen and paper. Of course, you haven’t received this post by mail, so I will have taken the time Friday morning to transfer my writing into type. The reason for reverting to this ancient method is that I’m participating in a day-long technology fast. This decision was inspired by a book I picked up a couple of weeks ago called How To Break Up With Your Phone.
It appears this week I will continue to explore the theme of attention. Though I didn’t expect to write four consecutive posts on the topic, it seems I’m being called to, and perhaps that in itself is something to pay attention to. This week, I will spend some time sharing a bit of what I’ve learned from the book as well as reflecting on my time so far “breaking up with my phone”.
Before I opened this book I knew phone use was an issue in my life, and I knew I wasn’t alone. When I was in my early teens I had a friend who would refer to cell phones as “stimulation squares”. At a time when everyone was getting more and more excited about each upgrade and the speed at which smartphones were advancing, he seemed skeptical about the impact these devices were having on us. As we got older we would giggle at his term “stimulation square” and say that’s so perverted! I now know two things. First, the thing that made us giggle (sex toys) is in no way at all “perverted”. Second, the impact that these devices have had on me (and many many others) is, in fact, an extreme example of perversion.
Catherine Price, author of “How To Break Up With Your Phone” breaks her book up into two parts. Part 1 is a discussion on this perversion precisely. She breaks down many of the ways that smartphones are affecting the way we exist. While aspects of this section were eye opening, they were not actually very surprising. Part 2 of the book is a 30 day plan for how to address these issues. Throughout the 30 days she asks us to both reflect (How do you feel after using your phone? How do you feel when others use their phone in your presence?) and to take action (download an app blocker, turn off notifications).
An important distinction that Price makes is that she isn’t suggesting that you get rid of your phone entirely. She acknowledges that it can be a great tool – it can tell you the weather,, help keep you connected to family, and be an aid in your job/business. But the problems lie beyond its use as a tool. When it takes our attention and pulls us in, and where we start to lose control, is where we need to start to investigate whether or not this relationship is healthy.
When I read through my own personal journal entries from the past few years (even before the pandemic) I notice a scary amount of repetition. “I spent way too much time on my phone today” “I’m going to make an effort to get sucked into my phone less this week” “I really want to control my phone use better”. Ever since I began journaling in 2019 this has been a significant theme, but nothing has actually ever changed. At first I wondered if I was just hyper aware or hypersensitive to the effect that smartphone use has on me. But lately I’ve been mentioning the book (which is so self explanatory in its title) and the primary response I get is “Oh, I need that so bad”. And I can understand why: Price cites in her introduction that “On average, Americans spend more than 4 hours a day on their phones” (pg 6). That is a lot of hours!
When we think about attention, that number (4 hours) alongside my own personal observations over the past couple of years makes a huge statement. In connection with the reflections in my blog posts from the past few weeks I realize that my (and collectively: our) smartphone addiction is a massive roadblock for many of the aspects of life that I find so important. I want to give myself space to daydream, but how can I do that if an urge to check my texts is front and center in my mind. I want to sit and enjoy boredom with the birds, but in my pocket I carry the “cure to boredom”. I want to give myself space to feel the emotion of an art piece , but the distraction of a buzz on my desk pulls me away. It’s scary, really, when I think about the amount that I’ve come to allow my phone to impact my life. And to impact my brain. Price compares phones (specifically social media apps) to slot machines, and notes the similarities, therefore, between a gambling addiction and a smartphone addiction.
Once you start to really pay attention to your habits, you might be startled to realize how little autonomy you are exercising when it comes to your phone. Noticing is often listed as the first step in changing any behavior. Once I started paying attention I noticed how quickly and mindlessly I could unlock my phone (especially with fingerprint recognition) and click into instagram – I could practically do it with my eyes closed. I spent time noticing and reflecting on how my body felt after scrolling for 15 minutes straight (or more). I noticed how significantly my quality of sleep and ease of waking up in the morning changed depending on whether I read or scrolled before falling asleep. I noticed how frequently during my day I interrupted what I was doing just to google something that wasn’t actually necessary at that moment. Ultimately, I noticed that the impact my phone was having on my life was actually bigger than I had thought.
Although this wasn’t necessarily surprising, what was surprising was the way my phone use changed – or didn’t change. The first week my screen time went down 18%, which I figured made sense because I was so appalled by the things that I had noticed. But the following week, my screen time went back up 20% – higher than the week before I started. I had had a particularly challenging week and all of a sudden, I was slipping right back into my old habits. I say this to highlight that “breaking up with your phone”, and forming the relationship that you feel healthy in, may take time. Price notes that there will be days where you feel really on track and days where you slip up, just as there is with everything in life.
The last thing I want to share about my experience personally with all of this is a reflection on my phone free day. I’m typing this addition after typing up all that I’d written on paper yesterday. I noticed a lot of things throughout my fast. I had a lot of impulses and cravings, I noticed really specific habits and times when it felt weird not to reach for my phone. But most notably I noticed that I felt very free. I’m not sure exactly what I felt free from or why I felt this way, that will take more time to reflect on. I do know that it felt really good, and I’m looking forward not only to my next break from my devices, but to my continued efforts to reform my relationship with them.
I recommend this book or even just this way of thinking for anyone who feels they use their phone beyond just a tool. My greatest hope is that you do not feel guilt when you think of your relationship to your smartphone after reading this, rather I hope you feel curiosity. Get curious and observe where you’re at now and where it is that you want to be.
I’ve linked the book below on my favorite used book site.
Two thumbs up on these thoughts. Although I turned off notifications years ago and rarely use social media, you’ve reinforced the concept of going phone and iPad-free for a day and reflecting on how that makes us feel. De-hijacking of the brain, perhaps a move towards true independence and freedom purely of our own volition.